For years environmentalists have lectured us on saving the planet, planting trees, and told us why our SUVs are destroying the future of all things. Granted, here at Louder with Crowder, we believe in being good stewards of the earth. We believe in recycling. Heck, some battery powered cars are even cool.
But really, the lecturing is just a bit much. We’re not toddlers who got finger paint all over mommy’s Gucci handbag. And nobody’s trying to blow up the earth during their propane fueled backyard barbecue in one grand Armageddon-esque scene. (Except maybe ISIS, but that’s a different topic altogether.)
It’s probably hard when one lives in a world of high risers and cement ponds to understand what the rest of the world actually looks like. Because if you escape the hipster hovels and experience life outside latte-land, you’ll find the world is much, much greener than you realize. Try getting on a plane and flying somewhere. Get a window seat. Look out of it.
In fact Popular Science was forced to admit this after years of tree census (yes, they really have those). They found humans are outnumbered by trees. Big time. Researchers at Nature found there are 3 TRILLION trees on the planet. A number previously believed to be a nominal 400 billion – hence why you need to plant as many trees as you possibly can to save the world. Census review: there are about 6 billion people on the planet. 3 trillion trees. If the trees ever decided to go to war with us, like the Ents from Lord of the Rings, we’d lose.
Never the ones to celebrate good planetary news, the folks at Popular Science chose to remind us that while 3 trillion trees is good news, it’s “only half as many as it could be,” and,
As with nearly every environmental story ever written, there is a downside. The researchers also found that “[b]ased on our projected tree densities, we estimate that over 15 billion trees are cut down each year, and the global number of trees has fallen by approximately 46% since the start of human civilization.”
Mmmmm, k. We’ve lost 46% of the tree population since the beginning of time. How many have we replanted? Trees are renewable resources, FYI.
So, first off, you’re assuming the goop that eventually evolved into monkeys had global tree mapping and counting technology that was 100% accurate. Riiiiiight. Are we also to believe the dinosaurs ate most of the world’s trees, and/or the meteor which took out the dinosaurs eliminated most of the tree population as well? Those dinos were such tree-haters.
Also, if we agree with the science saying Earth is 4.543 BILLION years old, then we’re probably good to go, yeah? I mean, we’ve got at least 4 billion years until we run out of trees if we don’t replant them, so…. does that mean I can now make a camp fire with like, three logs, and cook some s’mores without feeling guilty about it?!
While we celebrate our planet that’s brimming with trees, the folks at Planet Science looked at this same data we’ve presented and concluded:
This is why we can’t have nice planets.
Nice planets? Plural? Are you trying to blame humanity for the lack of life on Mars now, too? Human beings are such powerful creatures to cause deforestation on a planet we’ve never inhabited. In other words, humans can never do anything right. It’s never enough. Also, environmentalists are killjoys and nobody loves them.
We go from 400 billion to 3 TRILLION trees overnight and it’s still not enough for these whackjobs. Sheesh. Go hug a tree, people. Or maybe hug a tree-hugger. They need it more than the trees do. The trees can hug each other, there are so gosh darn many of them.