Imagine you're a Medicare patient with a seizure disorder. Spontaneous dance parties are your thing (see New York’s LARGEST Healthcare Provider Pulls Out of Obamacare After Major Losses and Government Now FORCING Health Insurance To Cover Transgender Surgeries…). Your monthly doctor visit features cockroaches scurrying across the floor and a Christmas tree in the corner. It's July. Welcome to the wonderful world of Medicare, where your life is in the hands of a neurologist who doesn't believe in deodorant. Feel the Bern.

Here's the segue: your favorite senile politicians, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, are partnering up to destroy America's healthcare. Again:

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) said Thursday she is co-sponsoring Sen. Bernie Sanders's (I-Vt.) "Medicare for all bill," the latest Democrat to back a signature Sanders campaign issue.

"I believe it’s time to take a step back and ask: what is the best way to deliver high quality, low cost health care to all Americans?" Warren, among those listed as potentially running for president in 2020, said in a statement Thursday.

I have a really good idea: getting government out of it and letting market forces do their market force thing. But methinks that's not what Warren wants.

Warren said Medicare for all is a way for every person in the country to have access to high-quality health care.

"Everyone is covered," she said. "Nobody goes broke paying a medical bill. Families don’t have to bear the costs of heartbreaking medical disasters on their own."

Warren called health care a basic human right, adding that it's "time to fight for it."

How adorably evil. They're both racing against their life clocks to ensure other Americans meet an untimely demise before they do. Super villain status. Cue deranged laughing fit.

You know what's missing from all these announcements and articles lauding Sanders and Warren? How to pay for the glorious promises of "Medicare for all." That's okay, because we actually know how they're going to pay for it: jack up the prices. And by prices I mean "taxes." Which, incidentally, Americans are paying more in taxes than food and clothing combined. I'm as serious as a Tess Holliday's straining leotards. Man the harpoons.

All that being said, the Democrats are tired, old retreads. So them running on healthcare for all can only be a good thing for RINO Republicans too cowardly to put up a fight. Unless the RINOs are... too cowardly to put up a fight.

Co-written by Courtney Kirchoff and Nichole Cooper

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