Tragedy in America quickly turns from thoughts and prayers to terrible hot takes with as much basis in fact as unicorn bowel movements (see Top 5 Dumbest Leftist Reactions to Synagogue Shooting and Reporter: Police are Responsible for Synagogue Shooting Because They Support Trump). Usually at the speed of David Hogg rollerblading to the nearest video camera.

Of course, he would drop this thought turd on MSNBC.

First off, f*** you for getting the Spin Doctors' "Two Princes" stuck in my head. One two, guns only to scare you. Just go ahead now...

Second, guys, the gig is up. Hogg is on to us. He's figured it all out. After not even a year, the chinless wonder has spliced together our strategy. I can see him now, tacking yarn strings from photos of Wayne LaPierre to Yosemite Sam. His "AHA!" moment coming to him between a binge of cookies and Yoo-hoo. Right from his bunkbed.

All of those extra guns we sold by sharing stories of people who are alive thanks to protecting themselves with their guns, it was all a ruse! It's only a matter of time before Inspector Hogg traces the NRA PayPal transfer we get whenever we write about good guys with guns shooting baddies with guns. Please, whatever you do David, don't tell Michael Moore. If Mike gets a whiff of what we're cooking, he may also find our funds from Big Diet, the money we get whenever we write about fat pride being unhealthy.

Without all the extra gun lobby money, I have no idea how I'll feed my family the meat and vegetables they need to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

Jokes aside for a second, the only people selling more guns are the scare-tactic lunatics who think sharing true stories about good people shooting evil people is salesmanship. Cute.

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