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Cards Against Humanity Buys Vacant Section of US-Mexico Border

Courtney Kirchoff
November 15, 2017

As president, you would secure the nation's border with ______.

  1. A Super Soaker full of cat pee
  2. Sixteen feet of scarf bondage
  3. Harvey Weinstein's office garden of potted plants
  4. A wall inspired by Darth Vader's flirtatious gaze

Cards Against Humanity, the card game for "terrible people," wants to prevent President Trump from building The Wall (see MSNBC Tries to Bash Trump’s Wall. Accidentally Makes a Case for it Instead… and DHS Announces Vendors to Build Prototypes for Border Wall). Rather than create a new deck if immature hilarity, they purchased land along the Mexico/American border.

If Hillary Clinton had clutched the presidency, they would have celebrated her inauguration with:

  1. Bleached (bit) buttholes
  2. Justin Bieber
  3. One crate of monkeys encrusted with semen
  4. Old people smell

Cards buying the land is a colossal waste of smegma money, and not just theirs:

The foul-mouthed card game announced a holiday promotion called 'Cards Against Humanity Saves America' and for just $15, customers will receive six 'America-saving surprises' in the mail.

Trump has promised to build a 700 to 900 mile border wall since before receiving the presidential nomination that he estimates will cost $18billion, but internal DHS assessments estimate the cost to be nearly $21billion.

"Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a $20 billion wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we've purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built."

Two things about their statement: if Cards thinks the wall will accomplish nothing, then why did they purchase land to impede the wall's construction? Second point, if they've hired an eminent domain firm to make the wall's construction as time-consuming and expensive as possible, does that mean they're aware they're costing the American taxpayer even more money?

A game manufacturer is upset over the results of America's free and fair election. They throw a tantrum by:

  1. Ejaculating their idiocy over Americans they hate
  2. Hiring seven midgets to perform a striptease
  3. Bottling their farts for science
  4. Creating a new porno using nothing but pig latin

This is who the left is. It's all fun and politically incorrect games. Until they lose.

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