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February 21, 2019
BUSTED: Jussie Smollett Charged with a Felony!
Karma is a swift and just mistress. Today she donned her most glittering gown, the leg slit to the upper thigh, spritzed her wrist with Chanel No. 5, and planted a big wet smooch on Jussie Smollett. He is being formally charged with disorderly conduct, a class four felony, for filing a false police report with Chicago PD. A case of which you, and our bestie Karma, are well familiar. From CNN, who's likely very disappointed with how all this went crashing down in flames of splendor.
"Empire" actor Jussie Smollett has been charged with disorderly conduct for allegedly filing a false report claiming two men attacked him last month, a Chicago Police Department spokesman tweeted Wednesday night.
Anthony Guglielmi said charges were approved by the Cook County State's Attorney Office and "Detectives will make contact with his legal team to negotiate a reasonable surrender for his arrest."
Filing a false police report is disorderly conduct, according to Illinois code. A class 4 felony is punishable by one to three years, the code says.
Let's be real. Jussie has as much chance serving one to three years as Virginia Governor Ralph Northam has being canonized a saint. Remember Governor Northam? Aw, feels like just yesterday he was bragging about killing infants. Anyhoo, Jussie likely won't spend a day in jail for what he did. Just based on how little celebrities of any kind get punished for their indiscretions.
Of course, he should spend the maximum sentence in prison if, for no other reason than all the free love he'd be sure to score. If there's one thing we've learned about Jussie these past few weeks, it's his love for all things drama, beat downs, and suffocation.
Okay, that got a little darker than I intended, but Jussie is who started all this, and it should all finish with Jussie. Preferably being sized for an orange suit. A fabulous orange suit.
There should be a lesson in all this: don't fake a hate crime. Read also Dear Jussie Smollett: You're a Bigoted, Racist, Attention-Seeking Piece of Sh!t.