Let’s set the table. Before you get excited, “the table” is but a metaphor. I’m not actually putting out donuts and Swiss rolls. A fan writes to Bill Burr. The fan is single and just lost a lot of weight. But the women he works with all want to set him up with fatties. He didn’t lose weight to settle for fatties, so he declines. So the women call him FATphobic.
Because “my body, my choice” only applies to some people. It applies to the women wanting to shove Ding Dongs in their mouths. Just not to the guy who doesn’t want to shove his ding dong anywhere near it. Consensually, of course.
Anyway, with all the women in his office body-shaming him, the guy had no one else to turn to. So he asked his favorite podcaster for some advice.
I’m not FATphobic. I just weigh 172 pounds, and I know I can get a better cut of meat… alright, you should respect everybody. Just say, “Listen, I used to be fat like you. And I started rock climbing. Why don’t you rock climb? Or at least maybe stare at a bunch of rocks. Instead of eating Rocky Road ice cream every weekend.”
Why you would go to a comedian with this “dilemma,” I have no idea. But as usual Burr doesn’t let us down.
Of all the left’s new -phobias and -isms, FATphobia is my favorite. All the years wasted struggling with my weight. I could have just blamed YOU! Definitely not my lack of discipline. Nor the box of Entenmann’s donuts I polish off whilst playing Dungeons and Dragons. The full sized donuts. Not the wannabe Munchkins. Go big or go home… in a wheel chair. Then washing them down with a liter of Mountain Dew. Instead of going to the gym.
Nope my weight isn’t my fault. Instead it’s society’s fault for making me feel bad about my pudge (see STUDY: Your Fitbit Reinforces “Weight Stigma, Fatphobia, and Bullying” and Plus-Size Writer Rants About the Hardships of Shopping While Fat…). I should have just played the victim. Though if I did, I may not have found this Bill Burr bit hysterical.
And of course, writing about fat women is always an excuse to share the greatest bit in LwC history: