Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from all things protests, DACA, and government shutdowns to have a laugh. And a cringe-filled shudder. This story brings us both. Remember Barney the Dinosaur? I love you. You love me. We’re a happy family. Don’t pretend you don’t remember. A lot has changed since the ’90s. For one, to imply we’re a happy family is problematic (see Liberals Now Say That “To Start a Family” is “Loathsome” and “Offensive”. No Joke…).
Secondly, the man who played Barney now gets paid to play with lonely ladies instead of little kids.
The actor who starred as the cuddly T-Rex host of Nineties children’s TV show Barney and Friends is now working as a Los Angeles tantric therapist.
Joyner only accepts female clients for his services, and charges $350 for a four-hour session. On his website, Joyner, a former software analyst, offers clients the chance to reach “a higher and more blissful state of awareness [of their] sexuality.”
According to Vice, Joyner believes this “blissful state” is best achieved through unprotected penetrative sex, and claims that condoms “block the energy”.
And just like that, my childhood memories of Barney have been torn asunder. Stomped on by this condomless concubine. RUINED.
In addition to Joyner’s long list of skills (jumping up and down, waving his tiny t-rex arms, shimmying into bed with random women), he has a knack for opening his mouth and inserting his entire foot loaf. Observe.
American actor David Joyner, 52, told Vice that his decade-long stint playing a dancing purple dinosaur was helpful for his current career.
“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” Joyner said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love.”
So something you probably don’t want to say to the public is that gyrating with kids prepared you for being a gigolo. Just a little protip for any aspiring dancing dinosaurs out there. Hamming it up in a giant costume? Fine. Linking kid work to sex work? That’s a negative, ghost rider.
Look, nobody is saying this guy shouldn’t have moved on with his life. And yes, yes, we already knew he must have been a little weird for wanting to prance around in a 70 pound, sweaty costume all day. Maybe he chums it up with other sex-crazed dinosaurs. Bill Clinton or George Takei, to name a few.
Or maybe he just really likes making people happy. First it was the kids, now it’s randy lasses who hate protecting themselves from venereal diseases. He’s his own person. He can have all the tantric tyrannosaurus sex he wants. We get it! But people are also allowed to be creeped out their childhood dino went from ABC’s to STDs.
Now, back to the important stuff…