I can’t imagine the burden of being born a liberal. There you are, survivor of impossible abortion odds, swaddled in locally sourced eco-blankets by your newly hippified breast-feeding vegan mother, (whose hormonal birth control failed, but she’s all about keeping hormones out of her all organic beets), only to grow up to be so tragically stupid, some thirty something writer gets her jollies by mocking you until you cry. Not that making a liberal cry is challenging. Turns out all one needs to nettle a lefty into toddlerish fits of cry-rage is just to be near someone they find displeasing.
Enter Ivanka Trump. The tall, blonde daughter of our new President Elect, the Donald. Perhaps you’ve heard of him. Ivanka just wanted to fly commercial. Clearly an elitist hoe-bag. Turns out her very presence on the multi-seated plane triggered a #LoveTrumpsHate Liberal of the Rainbow variety into a sissy meltdown. Gaylord Von Light Pants voiced his angst with Ms. Trump in ways one can only describe as douchebaggish.
‘Your father is ruining the country,’ said Dan Goldstein, a lawyer from Brooklyn, who had a child in his arms according to TMZ.
Goldstein then began screaming out: ‘Why is she on our flight. She should be flying private.’
Ivanka paid as little attention as possible and tried to preoccupy her children with some crayons to diffuse the situation until the crew escorted him off the plane.
Goldstein’s husband, Matthew Lasner, said that was not what happened taking to Twitter, writing: ‘My husband expressed his displeasure in a calm tone, JetBlue staff overheard, and they kicked us off the plane.’
However. just an hour prior to that Lasner wrote on Twitter: ‘Ivanka and Jared at JFK T5, flying commercial. My husband chasing them down to harass them. #banalityofevil’
Okay, so let’s unpack this. We’ll play the proctologist Mr. Goldstein clearly needs. Methinks he should incorporate more fiber into his diet, less seething rage. I bet Whole Foods has it packaged with renewable materials. Like angel farts.
One, Ivanka did nothing wrong. This includes choosing to fly commercial. Does she regret not taking a G6 to her final destination? Perhaps. But should she have been harassed? No. There is no reason for a knuckle-dragging baboon to fling figurative caca in her direction. Even if it is the baboon’s first instinct.
Point of detail Mr. Baboon missed: Donald Trump has yet to take office. He’s enacted zero policies. He hasn’t “ruined the country” anymore than the tooth fairy overcharges for dental.
Secondly, Mr. Goldstein’s fluffy manwife tweeted with pride how his big strong hubby was chasing down a woman with her children to “harass them.” STUDLY. Except just one hour later… whoopsy daisy. Might want to look up the word “foresight.” Do not get distracted with how close it is in the dictionary to “foreskin.”
If you dudettes happen to read this post, your pitiful Twitter planning is why I referred to you as “stupid” in my opening paragraph. I agree “stupid” is a bit of an immature word, but let’s be real: so are you.
This is the intolerant left on full apish display. Imagine, if you will, the unfiltered rage spewed by leftist website bastions from HuffPo to Vox, Slate to Salon, CNN to MSBNC if anyone had said anything but praise to Michelle Obama, her daughters, or Chelsea Clinton. Right.
So good on Ivanka for keeping her cool, exuding class, and not removing herself from the plane. Thereby giving me the chance to compare a grown man to a gorilla more apish than the late, great Harambe. God rest his bipod soul.
Oh, if you’re wondering, the He-Monkey and his He-Monkey Wifeman were removed from the flight. #JusticePrevailed.
Here, wash out this story with a little old-fashioned waterboarding. Merry Christmas.