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January 10, 2024
Watch: Are you even partying hard if you don't find yourself stuck in a giant decorative urn?
It's New Year's Eve in Alabama. The Crimson Tide are playing in the Rose Bowl tomorrow. You're out partying with your boys. Life is good. Then the next thing you know, you find yourself stuck in a decorative urn and are 2024's first piece of viral content. Poor Connor Padgett. Little did he know he'd get himself stuck in an urn while the anonymous @CasualThursday was lurking and live-tweeting. Or, live dropping X? We need to work on the vernacular.
The report went out. A drunk man was stuck in a large decorative urn at a Mountain Brook house party.
oh my god this is the whitest shit I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/ncTDlZr8Jb
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) January 7, 2024
It started off funny. After all, you are drunk and stuck in an urn. It's a comical predicament. Then the novelty wears off, and you realize it is New Year's Eve... and you are a grown-ass man stuck in a decorative urn.
"I am doing everything I f*cking can. G*ddamit! I already took my belt off, and that didn’t do sh*t."
We even have it from multiple angles.
AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE SENT ME MORE VIDEO OF CONNOR STUCK IN THE URN AND GETTING CHISELED OUT
I REPEAT: MORE OF CONNOR STUCK IN THE URN https://t.co/ZFZHOveebm pic.twitter.com/qfYaZRpMEJ
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) January 8, 2024
Eventually, the urn was shattered, and Connor was free. Albeit, without his pants. There was much rejoicing, other than wondering how much the damaged item was going to cost.
If the entire ordeal could be summarized with one X post, it would be this:
He wanted a double makers on the rocks. I gave it to him and now he’s drinking alone and having a cigarette, still pantsless in the corner of the yard.
— Casual Thursday (@CasualThursday) January 1, 2024
Then Connor joined the JortsCenter podcast to share his side of the story. The way you get stuck in an urn at a party? A little bit of alcohol and peer pressure.
“One person had gotten into it, I saw him get out of it beautifully. And then another person, who slightly had a bigger ass than I do, got into it. So I figured, ‘Gosh, if they can get into it and out of it, hell, I figure I can too.’ So my stupid ass got in it.”
But how did he lose his pants?
“When I stood up, I could feel the shards of that vase in my ass crack… and I said, ‘I gotta get these off right now, I’m ripping ’em the fuck off.'"
Connor Padgett, on behalf of We The Content, we salute you. You have set the bar for viral videos for 2024. Everyone else needs to top getting stuck in a giant urn.
That we hear was less an urn as much as it was a vase. If that matters to people.
Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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