Meet Maggie McMuffin. No, that’s not her real name, it’s her stage name. Because Maggie McMuffin is a burlesque performer. Why do you care? Glad you asked. Turns out Maggie was showing too much of her muffin bottom on a recent JetBlue flight. Being the sensible people that they were, the flight crew informed Little Miss Muffin she couldn’t fly JetBlue unless she put some extra clothes on. Here, let this precious one regale you with her woeful tale:
Since the incident, McMuffin has received messages of support on her Twitter account, including one user who posted a picture of herself in shorts and tweeted: “Solidarity, flying like this.”
McMuffin, her stage name, told Q13 that she felt the move was a result of body-shaming and that the dress code was entirely subjective. She said she had no problem with the same outfit on a previous flight from New York.
The carrier said in a statement that the crew determined the short shorts could offend families, so crew members “politely asked” if she could change and she complied.
“We support our crew members’ discretion to make these difficult decisions, and we decided to reimburse the customer for the cost of the new shorts and offered a credit for future flight as a good will gesture,” JetBlue continued in the statement.
Okay, let me see if I can get through this post without constantly making fun of both her name and her profession.
Firstly, the “shorts.” Are they the shortest shorts I’ve seen? No. Are they the shortest shorts I’ve seen on a flight? Yes. Because you know what, McMuffin? It’s an airplane full of people, it’s not your pilates class. Also not the beach. It for sure isn’t your darkened bedroom where you parade around in just your skivvies. Oh wait, I meant your work.
Yes I just work-shamed you.
Because what JetBlue did wasn’t “body shaming.” They weren’t trying to make you feel like a whore. Also if you don’t want to feel like a whore? Maybe wear clothes which adequately cover your lady bits. JetBlue also wasn’t trying to make you feel like a freak. Though chevron black and white granny panties? For serious? Sorry, I was distracted there. Distracted or blinded. Too soon to tell.
Here’s a thought, Blueberry: JetBlue was considering everyone else on the flight who didn’t want to see your crotch. (You’re welcome for not making a reference to a bread process which involves rising). Which you generously accentuated with the aforementioned chevrons. But it’s not your fault, right? Just everyone else on the flight. Maybe they were gluten intolerant. Or maybe just PRUDES!
Also this wasn’t because you’re a woman. If a man tried to board a plane with his beer belly showing above his too low pants, methinks JetBlue would’ve said, “We serve food on this flight. People might hurl. Only so many barf bags. Please cover up. Here’s a hefty bag.” It’s an economics thing, Muff Muff. Supply, demand, barf bags, crotches.
Look, JetBlue is a private airline. You paid money, sure. But so did dozens of other passengers. They’re in business to fly people. Not only did they refund you for the clothes you had to purchase and wear in lieu of the prison-inspired pantaloons, they gave you credit towards your next flight. Rather nice of them if you ask me.
Some advice? Maybe pants. Even sweatpants. Plane rides are uncomfortable, even for Muffins. Better you have a smooth ride than your pants ride up your crack. Know what I’m saying, sweet cheeks?